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Experimenting With an Orgasm Game For Couples - Sexual Fun During Foreplay and Oral Sex

The most common problem that couples have sexually is amazingly that they put too much pressure on one another. Instead of sex being a time to celebrate the relationships and have a good time, it turns into a weird form of work where the guy's goal is to make her orgasm. If she doesn't orgasm, he often feels like a failure, even if the rest of the relationship is pretty solid. The irony is that all this pressure makes it far less likely that she will orgasm. This is why it can be beneficial for couples to play an orgasm game.

One thing that is important to the sexual experience is the feeling of regression: returning to a fun-loving, carefree state. Orgasm games are a great way to tap into this state. Simply by giving an adult twist to any game can really make it fun. Stripping card games and naked twister are some of the more fun ones, but pretty much anything that is fun can be used. The key is to keep it fun and enjoyable, but also erotic and adult at the same time!

My Favorite Orgasm Game

Most of these games are best enjoyed during foreplay, as during sex it is pretty easy to forget the game and focus on other things! My favorite foreplay game is the 'shapes-game.' As you lick her body or give her oral sex, you can lick some shapes onto her body. This opens up and range of new angles and touches and also focuses her attention on your every move.

Letters have a lot of possibilities for some really sexy fun. Try making different shapes on her body and seeing her response. The letter 'i' with the dot representing a hard kiss to the clitoris is a shape that is great for most women. Similarly the letter 'f' with the horizontal part presenting your tongue moving from side-to-side and the curved part representing your tongue arching around the clitoris will make any woman go crazy. The possibilities are endless. I once won two tickets for a holiday in a raffle. When she asked where we were going, I licked the name of the destination on her body. Luckily for her, the answer was Rio de Janeiro!

Games are great for couples as they take the pressure that can sometimes creep into relationships away. They also allow you to experiment with slightly unusual fantasies, as the context of the 'game' is fun and non-threatening. Make it fun enough and she will naturally want to play until the end, providing she comes first, of course...

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Open Topic Week!

'Scuse the video being a bit squashed lookin'. We're not totally sure why. PS. Tash, chickens are still on their way- we have not forgotten! V soon! For now though: Translation Ellen: 'Donkey, has to see the Donkey, at the break of day. If we do not feed it' Dad: '...this is what' Grace: 'he sayaaaa. ...If, atchoo' (WTH moment) Grace: 'MUMMAY! MUMMAY! ' Mum: 'Yes Grace' G: ....COMMAY!' (Ellen: 'why are we feed it') Grace: *unintelligible singing ending with 'off at the bway'* 'I don't like it' 'Eat up on your chin. ...Eat up on your chin Ali. As you lick... 'welll.... you like chocolate? You like biscuit? You like BIS-CUIT Elllleennnn.... chew, chew chew your spaghetti you like chewba.... CHOCOLATE *Ellen is clearly traumatized / disinterested.. sucking thumb* G: 'here y'are.... THIS HAS CHOCOLATE, you like? '...swap spoons ali' *Ellen proves to be more than one sort of sucker* *grace collects goods, checks all are in order* G *inspecting, then satisfied*: 'there' *ellen proceeds to try and eat the table* AND, AT THE END: Ellen: 'it's got some honey in it, Gra-cie, got some honey in it!' G (checking floor for more): 'It's tasty, it be tasty' E (pulls weird face, then): 'yum'. ;)

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Head Lice to Dead Lice

A preview of the award-winning video, "Head Lice to Dead Lice." This hilarious video, straight from the Lice Ladies at HeadLicetoDeadLice.com, is informative and entertaining. It features the time tested olive oil protocol, the only way to eradicate head lice.

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Sprinkle a Little Bit of Spice Into Your Romance - The Boredom Facts

Imagine just for a minute. You are watching a really great movie for the first time. You are really having fun. There are a lot of adventures, excitement, and romance in the movie, even there's a little touch of danger and mystery mixed in it. You have no idea what will happen next! Your emotions are stirring, your heart pounding and then ... the unpredictable ending of grand finale!

You released completely with a deep sigh and totally satisfied and may be a little tired and you could not wipe off that silly smile from your face. After all, that was one huge heck extraordinary experience!

Now...image watching the same movies day after day for the next 5 months. Will the movie be still fun? No. It won't be adventurous. There's no more excitement any more. It's so predictable and stale. You memorized every scene by now without even trying. You sick of it.

So what the movie has to do with your sex life? It's only an anecdote to describe the sex boredom attack and I have 3 facts and tips to counter attack it as below:

Fact 1 - change kills boredom.

Base on the fact that change kills boredom, you may need to make few changes before having sex. Make this your first rule: change location, location and location.

You are to have sex anywhere but BEDROOM. It's up to you to create alternatives places: couch, coffee table, bath tub, shower, kitchen, kitchen table, rocking chair, exercise equipment, hanging on the wall ( if you have sticky palms like Spiderman ) in the freezer ( if it's large enough for both of you ), in the car, the hood of the car, out in the woods during camping or hiking.

Public places could add more spice things up for that matter. Having sex in places where there's a possibility of being caught sparks more excitement to your sex. Try doing it in the roof, garden, swimming pool, a stairway, your office warehouse, airplane restroom, or bus stop gents.
But I have one word: do it at your own risk. If you get caught-don't blame me. If you have to explain it to authority - don't say I advise you.

You could do anything that change scenery will break the monotony and kill your sex boredom. All you need to do is spend a little time, a little effort and a little imaginary into new things and places to start up and your imaginary will do the rest.

Fact2 - You still could teach an old dog a few new tricks,

Based on the fact we must be flexible enough to learn and adapt new moves you already know to make different situation, moods and moments.

The basic idea, again, is to kill the sex boredom. Stay away from your regular moves as you can. Remember the key is : VARIETY

Slow down a little bit. Tease your lover to drive him crazy. Don't hit straight home to his genital, touch his other areas such as inner thigh, belly button, buttocks, his under arms until he's absolutely can't stand it anymore. Who said foreplay is for women? Boys need it too.

Don't be predictable. How do you take to his erogenous zones? You start it with kissing his lips, move to the neck, breast, stomach and his lollypop? Hm...so typical.

He knows your moves. Yes...after the left breast, a little squeezy on the right, lick down to the belly button, ouch.... And then to the yawn...yawn....

This is the quickest way to sex boredom. Since erogenous zones are spread out all over our body, why don't you hit them all or alternate them. Use different stroke, rhythms, speeds, tools and make him wondering what is your next move. Instead of kissing it, why don't you bite it for instance?

Fact 3 - You could learn from watching each other

Just as you can satisfy each other by simply reversing the things you used to do each other, you can similarly learn more about how to satisfy each other in different ways. By sharing this type of interest, you could become a better lover for each other.

The tip here is to show each other what is your best idea of perfect kiss, for instance, and take turn kissing each other but he can't kiss back but to enjoy your kiss, Then switch! This role playing will show you exactly what his likes or dislikes to be kissed which then you can copy.

Masturbate in front each other will also help you and your lover to understand a whole lot about satisfying each other. This in turn will increase the enjoyment and pleasure during sex.

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Badboss's foot fetish confession #1- TOES

Badboss makes his first ever video and blog entry about his foot fetish called TOES. Subscribe and spread to friends. The agony of Badboss admitting this is embarrassing enough so tell friends and lets all share in his embarassment. Subscribe for heels.

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A 5 1/2 minute montage of the best tourette's guy episodes.

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Creative Valentine Gift Suggestions

A beautiful Valentine card with a heartfelt message should be enough to satisfy that loved one of yours but often more than a card is called for. Consider these alternatives to heart shaped boxes of chocolates and stuffed teddy bears this February 14:

Restaurant Gift Certificates. For the valentine who would rather eat out, a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant is a welcome present. Some argue that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but depending on what can of cook you are, a home cooked meal may not always come up a winner. For him- A restaurant gift certificate suggests you would rather not spend Valentine's Day in the kitchen. For her- The present doesn't mean she can't cook, just that you want to reward her with a day off from the routine and a romantic dinner over candlelight. I call this one a win-win.

Spa Gift Certificates. With all of the current stress everyone is experiencing, what could be more appreciated than a trip to a spa? An affordable message would delight any valentine. For him- His tired muscles from job stress and house maintenance chores are soothed with a message he will appreciate. For her- She is pampered with a luxurious spa treatment. Maybe a facial would be appreciated. She would feel beautified and you would enjoy the improved view as well. Maybe a couple's message is a gift you would both remember. Lying side by side while two some ones rub your backs; how special is that!

Ice Cream Social. Not everyone is a fan of chocolate. Hard for me to believe, but understandable, I guess. For something sweet and fun to share, consider a visit to your local ice cream shop. For him- He will enjoy picking out his favorite flavor and can lick away while you talk. For her- She will relish some one on one time with her honey that extends beyond the allotted commercial break during those many sports programs on TV. A fun reminder of more innocent times, an ice cream social is something you will both enjoy. Partake of frozen yogurt if you feel the need to continue your diet through the holiday.

Walk in the Park. Stop the madness by retreating to a peaceful stroll in the park. This one can be enjoyed by everyone, including the kids! For him- He gets a bit of exercise and the opportunity to retain the title as a romantic. For her- She gets your undivided attention and an opportunity to hold hands, which is priceless. And, it doesn't cost you a cent! Pick a beautiful day, take the kids if you want, and spend some time enjoying nature, the outdoors, and each others company.

Picnic. This one takes the walk in a park a step further by incorporating food into the mix. Spread a blanket on the ground and think back to when you first dated. I bet a picnic is one of your fondest memories. For him- He gets to eat and the chance to lounge around which is a good thing for a man. Pick his favorite picnic food and perhaps a nice bottle of wine and life is good. For her- She gets out of the kitchen and a chance to nurture the romantic side of you that she feel in love with originally.

Valentine's Day Cards. The annual Happy Valentine's Day card is expected when you are in elementary school but can be the most exciting piece of folded up paper you have ever received when you are in love. A special card that you hand selected can send your special someone over the moon. A hand written message makes it a keeper. For him- A creative short poem will be fun for you to write and him to read. Add a coupon for a kiss, back message or some such special add-on and he might even save it among his treasures! For her- Now is your chance to surprise her with a mushy expression of your love and devotion. Win her heart all over again with a sentiment that says she is truly your valentine.

However you decide to celebrate February 14, keep it original and thoughtful with the recipient in mind. The holiday doesn't have to be a major expenditure, just one special day in which you let the other people in your life know that they are appreciated, loved and cherished throughout the year.

Fetishes - Basics and History

This is one of my favorite topics to talk to people about. Sometimes people don't think they have a fetish, while some refuse to tell me in fear that it is abnormal.

On the other hand, some find it more than necessary to let me know in detail what they like. I have come across so many fetishes, ranging from biting to watching animal porn.

So, what is exactly is a fetish? A fetish is when you are fixated on an object or a body part. Some of my fetishes are lite. I always need to have my mouth doing something. Kissing, biting, licking and so on.

I also am a bit obsessed with necks. I like to provide that spot with a lot of attention. But no hickeys! Those are disgusting. A fetish can also be something that you fantasize about during masturbation or while having sex. A friend of mine had a fetish of lesbian porn when she was pregnant. She talked to her doctor about it, and she said it was normal because of all those raging hormones.

History of Fetish

Fetish actually originates from the 15th century Portuguese word feitico, which meant false power, object or charm. As with stories and rumors, when words spread and time goes by, things change. Soon people that worshiped the unusual were considered to have a fetish, or called fetishists. Now, some people admit it, while others hide their fetish. If it is legal, and does not affect your life negatively, there is nothing wrong with it.

So be proud!

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Having a Great Sex Life

Where Does Great Sex Begin?

The greatest sex you'll ever have whether you are married, single, man or woman always starts as thoughts of having sex. Thoughts may grow into fondness, passion, desire or love. These are all key elements of feeling the earth move when you are having wonderful sex. Without the initial mental/ physical attraction in your mind, great sex will likely not occur for you. Having great sex every time includes every aspect of a relationship or marriage.

I Think I Found my Man, Now what?

Firstly, unless you had a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling where you feel a sense of out-of-control inner passion then you know, there's no "I think"! I have a great sex life and it comes from creativity and imagination within my relationship. The first time I had sex with my partner it I can recall my body shaking when we finally got down and dirty. This was after a 5 a year platonic relationship which ended up in a month of serious dating, then WHOA.

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." -- George Burns

How Important is Having Great Sex Life?

It's a great bonus but there are people that live without a having a great sex life, I just don't know how?. To keep my myself satisfied there are several ways I do this. We need to keep variety and spice in your marriage or relationship to have a better sex life. A woman's guide to a great sex life sex may differ greatly from a man's. This is where there is a meeting of the minds...a sexual discovery of a sort. A time where a newlywed couple engages in sexual activity designed to discover a the keys to a great sex life. Although having great sex in a marriage is not mandatory it is certainly icing on the cake. I am going to share a few crazy thoughts that run through my head that work great for me below.

My Personal Fun Sex Prep Recipe

Think of great new sex ideas to drive your man crazy.
Do you like getting tickled during crazy sex?
What is the wildest time during sex you have ever experienced?
Do you have good communication between partners?
You've heard the term "mind sex"....is your mind into it?
Is there a new sexual position that you might like to try?

By using your imagination and having a partner equally just as sex starved- it can be to the moon and back. Any stressful situation can be cured with a fresh and exciting round of fun sex, it will become a regular deal with practice. Keep the intimacy alive and wonderful sex will always be a positive factor in your marriage.

For Turbo Charged Sex People

These days there is no need to be embarrassed about walking into an adult shop and getting your own personal sexual toys. There many options and it can be allot of fun walking in and looking at the products. Some of the most popular sexual enhancement toys include:

Jokes Humor
Vibrators
Handcuffs
Blindfold or masks
Glass Toys
Dildos Male
Toys
Massage-Lubes
Anal Toys
DVD's and Erotica
Erotic Clothing
Furniture
Liberator Shapes
Sex Machines
Accessories
Novelty-Party
Lesbian Toys
Gay Toys
Silicone Toys

You really don't have to feel like a little kitten walking into an adult novelty shop, there are many men and/or woman that frequent the adult novelty shops to fulfill their sexual appetites or just improve a great sex life. Most sexual toys that are used for sexual penetration require proper maintenance and cleaning. So while you're there pick up the proper cleaners as well. If you are the shy type, that's OK to because you can order all of these items online. They are generally delivered in a non discreet packages for your convenience.

You'd be surprised at the number of men, women and married couples who have or have a great sex life all the time, and most of them are think about it right now. If you use any of the sexual aids listed above keep them cleaned and maintained as instructed. If you develop any irritations you should speak to your doctor immediately.

Otherwise, enjoy having the greatest sex :-)

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Is Erotic Power Exchange A Culture?

Occasionally the erotic power exchange (BDSM) community looks at the gay community with a certain amount of envy, as a result of the fact that the latter has achieved quite a bit when it comes to general understanding for and acceptance of different lifestyles. One of the questions, asked in this respect, is the one about being a culture yes or no. Although that as such is a question that can be debated endlessly, fact of the matter is that the narrow - sexual only - approach does not seem to cover all aspects of erotic power exchange. So, are "we" a culture? Below is at least one answer to that question.

First of all: what is a culture? There are of course various definitions, but personally I like to use the one given by anthropologist Ruth Benedict (which is the more or less generally accepted one in the scientific community): "culture is a more or less consistant pattern of thought and action with a characteristic purpose that pervades the forms of behavior and institutions of a society." Hence, a culture is defined by a set of patterns.

Are "we" a "culture" (as in a religious culture, a national culture for example)? If culture is defined as being that total and all-embracing the answer to that question is NO, unless of course you would argue that BDSM-views and opinions have any specific relevance to and influence on social structures, general behavior patterns or institutions (which I personally consider quite unlikely). However, if you take the definition but add the words "limited" and "some", the answer is: yes, we are.

The opposite of the above definition, by the way, is true for the BDSM-community: i.e., the world around us (society) has a direct influence on us (general perceptions, legislation, prejudice, political and religious views, to only name a few) and not in the way they have as a general factor in everyone's life, but directly in (and as a result of) the ideals the community as well as individuals within that community strive(s) and stand(s) for.
There are other methods to find out whether or not BDSM is a culture. One of them is to try and establish if there are concepts, views and behavior patterns within a "group" that seem to be more or less generally accepted and are at the root of the group behavior (chaos-theory).

Behavior patterns

Thus the question is: are there such concepts, views and behavior patterns?
The answer here - in my view - is yes, there are: there is a more or less generally accepted lingo (that at least is generally recognized), there are concepts (voluntary, imformed consentual, safe and sane for example, negotiation for example, safewords for example). We may not be to good at exactly describing them, but there are norms and values: in general the community has a pretty good general idea about what is acceptable behavior in the group and what is not. In the same way there are (again not specifically written down) certain more or less generally accepted ethics.

And next to that there even is a more or less "creative process" based on the group's ideas (design, clothing, art, photography, writing and more) that usually is recognized as "belonging to or within the group".

Finally, do we have specific and more or less general behavior patterns? The answer again is yes. Coming out for example, finding information, communication and even some negative ones, like taking things personal and concentrating on personal ideas and interpretations as opposed to more general ones.

So, this method also seems to proof there at least is something indicating a culture, albeit not a very well studied and described one (but then again many cultures are not very well, or not at all described, such as many tribal cultures and the entire Maya culture for example).

Is all this enough to claim "we" are/have a culture. With sufficient modesty to say that we will probably not make a difference in changing the world's general ethics my answer to that question is yes.

Are we a sub-culture? A sub-culture is a derivate from something else. Personally, I can not see where we are a derivate of something else, so no, I wouldn't say we are a subculture. And this is where I think we first meet some arguments of the "outside world" that tries to narrow BDSM down to a form of sexual behavior (and to many preferably a sexual deviation). Why would the outside world do that? The answer in my mind is obvious: fear. Sexuality in many (especially Western) societies is something that has always been looked at with double standards. Religions for example (and they have a traditionally strong influence on sexual behavior) have a very double standard here. On one end for example they praise the phenomena of life and giving birth, while at the same time they will condemn women the moment they show physical signs of their ability to give life (like menstruation, pregnancy and such) and call them impure. They will endorse big families with many children but at the same time condemn the act that is at the very root of reproduction.

Fear on one end and narrow minded political views about controlling people's lives on the other are what brings about this element of fear and hence the well-known rhethorical trick of creating a "common enemy" (the evil). "We" are "an evil" in that sense and this evil is described in very simple, one dimensional straight forward terms that usually have little to do with the truth. Which is only one reason to stay away from a purely sexual/psychological approach and try to put things in a somewhat broader perspective.

What is this culture made of?

So, if we are a culture, what is that culture made off? That is where it becomes very hard. There is little research to rely on or find answers in and unfortunately any debate about trying to describe the culture will almost automatically turn into a debate about personal preferences. The reasons for this happening are actually quite simple. Most of "us" live in a very narrow, closed environment when it comes to BDSM (which is not a negative connotation but merely an observation and in itself a direct result of the general social stigmatism and prejudice) and as a result many people only have their personal ideas and feelings to go by, while on the other hand the subject itself directly hits home with almost all of us and brings out - understandable - fierce and intense emotions.

The Internet - even though a blessing in some ways - is not exactly helpful either, since the "net-community" seems to go through exactly the same growing pains the "real life community" (at least in Europe) has gone through some 15 to 20 years ago. Hence, for the moment on the Internet history is only repeating itself, which is not bad as such, since it helps the vast numbers of newcomers, but is of little or no help when it comes to try and debate, research more abstract issues like this one.

Different cultures

As for example Weinberg and Falk ("Studies in Sadomasochism", 1983) conclude, there is very little methodical and theoretical research from the sociological field available when it comes to BDSM. If any work has been done in this area, most of that is journalistic research and not scientific. Still, one fact is generally accepted in the scientific field (and in other areas): there are huge differences between the gay/lesbian and heterosexual BDSM-cultures.

Coming out (which to gay/lesbians is a "second coming out") for one thing is totally different, primerily because coming out as a concept is alien to the heterosexual world since it has never been a real issue. Hence there is little experience with the phenomena and whereas coming out is recognized as probably the most important stage in the life of a homosexual (and treated and respected as such), in the heterosexual world it is predominantly still ignored or undervalued.

Other main differences are in the social behavior patterns. Especially gay men - within their community - are not only more open to different forms of sexuality, it is also very common to act out preferences in a more or less public environment such as gay bars and meeting places. Try acting out your heterosexual BDSM preferences in a public bar or in the local community center and you'll have huge problems.
Also, there is a much more integrated process of accepting different preferences within the gay/lesbian community and hence there is a lot more openess and willingness to investigate, whether for personal use or just for better understanding. So yes, there ARE at least two different BDSM-cultures with their own patterns, behavior and general dynamics.

BDSM influence in other social areas

To ascertain if BDSM as such is a culture one method is to identify if the phenomena as such has any inlfuence in other social areas. This is an incomplete list of such influences.

* BDSM has a (sometimes even quite substantial) influence in areas like fashion, pop music, movie industry and art. In European countries it even has an influence on advertizing.

* BDSM has its own literature, art and fashion.

* BDSM has its own media (print and Internet)

* BDSM has its own places for gatherings (clubs, the above facilities, groups, gatherings, munches)

* BDSM has its own organisations (local, national and some - like the NLA - even internationally)

* BDSM has its own lingo, different form others, some of which influences other areas

* BDSM has its own concepts, some of which have also been accepted in or adopted by other areas

* BDSM is an economical factor, in the forms of products like videos, toys, gear, more or less dedicated shops, media and art galleries, clothing and such and - wether we like it or not - prostitution.

* BDSM is scientifically recognized as a phenomena of its own.

* BDSM is the subject of research in different scientific areas (psychology, psychiatry, sociology).

* BDSM is condemned by other groups, including some very influential ones.

* BDSM has lead to specific legislation to try an ban it in various countries and regions.

* BDSM is the subject of political debates and decisionmaking.

Different cultures within the community

Are there different cultures within hetero BDSM? I tend to think there are at least two: Maledom/femsub and Femdom/malesub. First of all, of course they have a lot in common. Probably eighty to ninety percent of their basic cultural patterns are exactly the same (albeit maybe slightly different in their format and presentation). However, there are a few basic differences that in my opinion make them different (mind you, I am not advocating one is better than the other, just different). So where are these differences?

First of all there is a difference in social acceptance. For example, the more or less general assumption is that men can take better care of themselves when it comes to security risks. Hence, a submissive male is generally seen as "less vulnerable" when compared to female submissives. To a certain extent that is true. Male sexuality in general is more open and men are much more used to share their sexual experiences and thoughts with others than women. Men are - more than women and again generally speaking - more used to things like masturbating, exploring their sex organ and the sex organs of others and are more likely to talk about this to others and experiment. Hence they have an advantage when it comes to taking risks and coping with vulnerability. This, by the way, should not be taken as a statement that the male submissive actually is or feels less vulnerable, because this is probably not true.

Another main difference is in the difference in sexual experience. The male experience simply is a more physical one, whereas the female experience is much more mental. This brings about differences in attitude, play forms, safety issues and interaction as well as a couple of cultural differences such as the fact that female submissives are much more receptive - and have a different attitude towards - fantasy.

Female submissives have other cultural differences, such as the conflict of roles (mother, career person, central function in the household/relationship and submissive) which is much more dominant to them then it is to male submissives (and usually much more of a problem). And to many there is the female (social) masochism and role-stereotyping in general (that is not good, but still very much "there").

By the way, here a nice example of similarities as well since this is something the lesbian world also has substantial problems with.

Male dominants - as opposed to their female counterparts - also have many differences, such as their own role conflicts (men aren't supposed to beat women and are brought up that way - in many cultures men still aren't supposed to show their softer sides, hence many have never learned how to do that). And, simply because the subs are different, the dominants are different.

There probably is a long list of other differences, one that should for example be considered is the fact that as a result of the widespread commercialization of the Femdom world, it is a lot easier for male subs to at least find a format to live out their fantasies than it is for female subs.

Is it functional to recognize such differences? I think it is. Not in an effort to conveniently cut up the cake in very tiny pieces in order to find sufficent similarities to determine one specific group, but in an effort to try and identify the differences and address them. Like brothers and sisters are part of the same family, they have their own specifics wants, needs, dynamics and interactions and understanding each other better starts with identifying and understanding the specifics of the other, identifying where differences and where similarities are. Just as it often is very counterproductive to address certain problems by only using either male or female logic (ultimately the combination of both is what usually produces result) it is not very productive to try and push everyone "into the same corset" when it comes to defining cultures. Understanding that there are similarities AND differences is what will eventually establish a better understanding of the entire group.

General significance

Finally, does all this have a relevance when it comes to educating and informing the outside world? Again my opinion here is a positive one. Why? Because the outside world is constantly mixing up different aspects of the different cultures, which does not help the debate nor the education. For example, whenever I am asked to participate in a television program, talkshow, do an interview or whatever on BDSM my first question for the journalist/producer will be "what BDSM?" That usually - apart from it being a very effective way to delay the entire production for a considerable period - leads to a fundamental discussion during the production phase about what the show/interview/documentary is supposed to achieve. That will automatically - usually - lead to a better understanding by the journalist(s)/producer(s) involved and will improve the quality of the end product as well as well the quality of future products by the same producer/journalist. I will do exactly the same when preparing a presentation in any other format and - for example when it comes to informing law enforcement people - one simply has to identify and explain the different cultures because the officier involved will have to be able to judge individual situations in real life and a gay scene is something that is usually totally different from a hetero scene in the first place (not to mention the cases where a male is in fact an abuse victim).

Bottom line: if we want to inform and educate others (which is I think what most of us - latent or not - want or would like to see happen) the first question to ask is: what do we want to inform and educate them about?

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